10.31.25 + 12:04 AM

NOSTRADAMUS

well october has been kind of a complete disaster. this is an update post for this month's overall hiatus and issues and updates.
i've been sick for almost the entirety of october, i was bedridden for 2 weeks, and it was a mess. i had an ear infection, took the entire course of antibiotics, and had multiple hours long pain episodes. it got to the point that i've been referred to a specialist, so i'm hoping they can help, i was reduced to a heap on my floor crying, trying to use ice packs or heat packs, stretching, massage, anything to get some sleep. after the first antibiotic round, i developed a respiratory virus, where i couldn't get in air from coughing fits, and it was so intense i couldn't get sleep or rest. i went on an inhaler and some cough medicine to manage it, but then my ear became reinfected, so i've been on another round of antibiotics. now, i'm praying that i won't get reinfected. i'm going up to new york again, so if i get another infection i don't know what i'll do. bookseller said he'll drive the distance to come get me so i can come home if it happens. i've thrown pretty much everything at the wall at this.

therapy has been not good. i'm trying not to have a negative outlook. the space between when my first infection cleared and i had the respiratory virus under control i went to my regular therapist, but that morning, i had developed the blockage in my ear, so it was only that morning i had developed. i still went in to see her, but we had to end the appointment, since she couldn't get sick, and i had a crying meltdown in the car. it wasn't her fault, i wasn't upset because i understood she couldn't see me if i was still sick, i was just having a difficult two weeks on the medications. my p******r*****nts were not helpful, not that i expected them to be. it just made it harder when i would cry in pain and they would scream at me, or ignore me, or if i would try and get up to get clean clothes washed my m***m would scream at me that i wasn't allowed to use the washer and drier. it just wasn't good. then my EMDR therapist cancelled on me beacuse of her own medical difficulty, which also isn't an issue, i was just having a hard time. then the last appointment i had with my regular therapist, it didn't go how i wanted at all. we just colored the whole time. i didn't like it. it wasn't what i thought was productive or helpful, but i was so depressed and shut down i guess it was the only thing to do.

i've gotten referred to two specialists, so those appointments will hopefully help some of the more longstanding issues and my pain episodes. i hope for the best. my primary doctor is very nice and sweet, and she really listened to me, i was very grateful for her.

bookseller and i carved pumpkins which was fun, this was yesterday as i'm finishing my antibiotics. i made a carousel horse, and he carved a creeper. it was fun, and i was happy to get out of bed. i didn't get to make a costume for halloween being sick, so i'm probably just going to do makeup tomorrow and throw something together. i wanted to be a wind up doll.


happy halloween everyone. i'll return after november 6th. i am praying for everyone's health.