victimless crime


explosive static, stagnant shower water that feels so heavy on my body, i don't want to sit in the bathtub anymore, i am so cold. feeing the pungent flesh of waterlogged teabags, warm and taciturn, unresolved, it feels like touching skin somewhere i shouldn't. there's not much left to say or speak about, despite how life keeps happening. like dream stupor seizure, the keys on my keyring keep folding and turning to inner thigh skin, stretching and hardening, like muscles throbbing in pain, it's not a key when i try to shove myself through a lock, i'm confused, i can't go to the old places anymore. stumbling like a fool in the dark, i never become any wiser to what it is, or learn any lesson, gain any navigational instinct. the hairs on my back all stand up, and the feeling of your hand against me doesn't throttle any excitement, i don't feel like a sensation or reaction of nerves to touch or talking, i just know it's all over for me already.

spongey and hot, it's not the same around me. the visions and understanding i used to have all melt away. my memory only serves as a nothing pattern encoded and trained into me, and so the only thing that's reliable is the pain markings down my stomach, everything else just disappears around me. two people kissing looks like one throat dried and split cleanly down the middle, like smooth stapled tangled valved that was meant to always be separate, hard to swallow, just spitting up down it's clavicle together.

there isn't a lot to say anymore, despite how much i talk. and it all feels meaningless, when before i had clear directions, severed from its carvings along my spine. i can only hope for clarity, and the instinct to get up, because when i do it on my own, i am so lost to it. swaying in the snow, none of the weather feels right besides snow in the middle of the night, barreling down the highway towards nothing. the thought and fantasy of a hotel down some far road, stretching in the dark, no streetlights, no houses, just highway pavement, i could walk down the entire thing and die halfway there in the cold.