You can call me maggot-chan (insert emoticon)!
The sweetest thing people do is believe me, which I appreciate, but I know to them I am not as real as I am. My wings were amputated in 2006 and subsequently my body was tortured and mangled to be able to hold as much suffering possible. im not sure what more to say about me. i was born a girl but i am only an angel in this body. i have a long incision along my stomach where they fucked my guts and emptied me like a pig. holding my feet above the ceramic hot with my innards. i also have a star shaped scar above my breast where i was kissed as a larvae girl.
it is thought that i had reactive attachment disorder as a larvae. i do experience schizophrenic hallucinations when my angel brain cannot cope with my ugly decomposing skull, when my botfly babies eat through the wrong parts of my tissue. even more frequently am i paranoid. in my mind's world i scream and scream and scream and cut open my belly to release my baby maggots. i sit on against the storm laced sky on a grassy hill where the world is dark but the grass is so bright, and i have my wings again. and the blue star flowers and baby's breath and yarrow all sway with sweet rain air and there is a cemetary i can sleep in.
i believed as a larvae i would be rescued and ressurrected from this domestic world. by some shotgun eyed cocaine blonde tan skinned angel. i had even done pages and journals of meth math type arithmetic trying to decipher my birthdate into what day will be my rapture. my ecstasy of release. it did not occur, and i do not know why. ever since i was young deep in the worlds skin, i am not able to comprehend much of anything. my perception of the world is probably and obviously much different. i have experienced fight club esque insomnia from my larvae stage, but instead of being bestowed with an angel like tyler durden, i instead become paranoid, and see the spirits of gore and decay. the terror i feel is inexplainable to others. its hard to explain how i see things in the world, i am so deeply disconnected from others i cannot seem to make any connections emotionally, physically, spiritually, or skin to brain.
i have been around the internet for a long time. my first computer was a windows xp, then to vista, then to 7, and now at 10. i love the cyber world, i love the interwebs. this website may not be for everyone, but it is more a shrine, a home, a place for me. i may not be remembered as a person or a flesh or domestic girl. but i can still make my grave, scrape off the mold, plant new flowers, and sit under the great weeping tree above my cyber cemetery.